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Born to be Wild
"Being concerned about people “rebelling” against you is a sign of pride and authoritarianism" - Eric Pazdziora
I wasn't really a rebellious child. My younger brother was considered to be the more "rebellious" one, but as an adult, I now see, we really weren't. Sure, I wore a wallet chain. My musical interest were often considered "rebellious" ranging from Coolio, to Rage Against the Machine, passing through The OC Supertones [and yes, the value of the latter was questioned as its message wasn't always something Biblical]. I even recall, not being allowed to wear biker shorts under regular shorts because they were the "symbol of a rebel" - thank you Andre Agassi.
In the end though, life wasn't so bad, I was given the freedom to make my own choices, and learn from my own mistakes. I have infinite respect for my parents for giving that to me.
Unfortunately, I have come to find out, I am not in the norm. In fact my poor wife is still dealing with remnants of an authoritarian childhood, even though we have moved 5582 miles (that's 8983 km for the more enlightened) away. I have several friends headed down the same road with their quiver of children. This Christian sub-culture is largely part of the homeschool movement. In the past twenty years I have gone through several stages in my attitude toward such an approach to parenting, now that I am nearly thirty, I think I finally have pin pointed what bothered me so much about the group, and this is in no small part due to watching my wife's journey out of what we call The Movement.
My perceptions of The Movement
1. Puzzlement (sometime in junior high) - when I first heard of homeschooling I could not understand why any parent would do this to their child, or why any kid would just go along with it because "how would they every witness to anyone?"
2. Frustration (college) - my university had many homeschoolers, and although some were fine, others were really...well weird. It wasn't their fault they had never regularly interacted with peers, but it was hard to be their friend because they didn't know how to be friends.
3. Anger (early years of marriage) - seeing what had been done to my wife for so many years was just not right. She was (and is) a fantastic person that is haunted to levels beyond her control.
4. Pity (the past year) - seeing so many friends fall into this way of life, I realize they don't fully understand what they are getting into. I had the experience of seeing a family up-close-and-personal after years of being in The Movement, my friends have no idea what road they are headed down, and are slowly brainwashing themselves. They feel it is their duty to have dozens of kids. It is their responsibility to keep their kids away from the evils of the world. They are trained, and train their kids, to defend their way of life no matter what the challenge is.
5. All of the above, plus a little more (today) - this has been building in my mind for quite a while, but after reading Eric Pazdziora's post on Quivering Daughters, I just had to bring it all together. The problem is Authoritarianism. It is often referred to as Patriarchal. However, reading the post, and thinking through my friend's individual situations, I think the problem starts in a church. A church that is so authoritarian it requires, forbids, and orders it's members. It labels people as rebellious, and is trigger happy with the heresy label. This results in individual families modeling their home live in the same way. They may even leave that church, but the damage has been done. Now that family is nearly destined to church hop because no other church is quite as perfect as theirs used to be, until they join/start a home church and whole-heartedly believe they are the only ones that know. This is where pity comes in, because they are trapped. Anger is not far behind, because reality is, they are doing this to themselves, and their children don't know any better. Which makes them awkward and frustrating to be around, and in the end, if they had really honestly studied God's message to us, I just have to ask: why?
I wasn't really a rebellious child. My younger brother was considered to be the more "rebellious" one, but as an adult, I now see, we really weren't. Sure, I wore a wallet chain. My musical interest were often considered "rebellious" ranging from Coolio, to Rage Against the Machine, passing through The OC Supertones [and yes, the value of the latter was questioned as its message wasn't always something Biblical]. I even recall, not being allowed to wear biker shorts under regular shorts because they were the "symbol of a rebel" - thank you Andre Agassi.
In the end though, life wasn't so bad, I was given the freedom to make my own choices, and learn from my own mistakes. I have infinite respect for my parents for giving that to me.
Unfortunately, I have come to find out, I am not in the norm. In fact my poor wife is still dealing with remnants of an authoritarian childhood, even though we have moved 5582 miles (that's 8983 km for the more enlightened) away. I have several friends headed down the same road with their quiver of children. This Christian sub-culture is largely part of the homeschool movement. In the past twenty years I have gone through several stages in my attitude toward such an approach to parenting, now that I am nearly thirty, I think I finally have pin pointed what bothered me so much about the group, and this is in no small part due to watching my wife's journey out of what we call The Movement.
My perceptions of The Movement
1. Puzzlement (sometime in junior high) - when I first heard of homeschooling I could not understand why any parent would do this to their child, or why any kid would just go along with it because "how would they every witness to anyone?"
2. Frustration (college) - my university had many homeschoolers, and although some were fine, others were really...well weird. It wasn't their fault they had never regularly interacted with peers, but it was hard to be their friend because they didn't know how to be friends.
3. Anger (early years of marriage) - seeing what had been done to my wife for so many years was just not right. She was (and is) a fantastic person that is haunted to levels beyond her control.
4. Pity (the past year) - seeing so many friends fall into this way of life, I realize they don't fully understand what they are getting into. I had the experience of seeing a family up-close-and-personal after years of being in The Movement, my friends have no idea what road they are headed down, and are slowly brainwashing themselves. They feel it is their duty to have dozens of kids. It is their responsibility to keep their kids away from the evils of the world. They are trained, and train their kids, to defend their way of life no matter what the challenge is.
5. All of the above, plus a little more (today) - this has been building in my mind for quite a while, but after reading Eric Pazdziora's post on Quivering Daughters, I just had to bring it all together. The problem is Authoritarianism. It is often referred to as Patriarchal. However, reading the post, and thinking through my friend's individual situations, I think the problem starts in a church. A church that is so authoritarian it requires, forbids, and orders it's members. It labels people as rebellious, and is trigger happy with the heresy label. This results in individual families modeling their home live in the same way. They may even leave that church, but the damage has been done. Now that family is nearly destined to church hop because no other church is quite as perfect as theirs used to be, until they join/start a home church and whole-heartedly believe they are the only ones that know. This is where pity comes in, because they are trapped. Anger is not far behind, because reality is, they are doing this to themselves, and their children don't know any better. Which makes them awkward and frustrating to be around, and in the end, if they had really honestly studied God's message to us, I just have to ask: why?
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